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| Payday |
| 01.31.05 (12:22 am) [edit] |
In a good mood today, probably something to do with it being pay day. Looking out the window I can see blue sky, which is a rarity in London recently. Still a bit hungry, blame = Michael Jackson, its his pasty ashen bony face on the box this morning that put me right off breakfast. The man is going to be everywhere for the next few months, I should go down to the bookies and place a bet that Wacko will be named Time magazines man of the year for 2005.
I'm the only one in work this morning in my section of the department, the Workflow managers off for two weeks as he's on maternity leave (fathers getting maternity leave now), so people will be doing as little as possible.
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| Advert |
| 01.28.05 (5:03 am) [edit] |
A man of my own heart.
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| Cinderella |
| 01.28.05 (2:03 am) [edit] |
Heard a report on the radio saying that British men spend £14(US$20), women £72 a year on underwear, It seems that we Brits like the well worn, hole ridden undergarment, must remember to buy some underwear during lunch time, as I can't recall last buying any recently - preferred underwear - kleins, brass monkeys and HOM.
Decent Joke.
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold
Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother".
The fairy godmother replied "it is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.
And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what shall it be?"
Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.
The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared. For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.
Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered..........
"Bet you're sorry you neutered me."
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| Who your Daddy |
| 01.21.05 (12:12 am) [edit] |
Main news on the box is Bush want Freedom for the world, headline in the paper is of Yorkshire Ripper (raper and killer of 13 women) given a day trip to see dead fathers resting place, Taxi fairs in London to raise by 3.5%, its only 9:15am and I could already demolish a chinese takaway, the office is 3/4 empty, bring on the effing weekend, I need a break.
Whose your Daddy. No Michael Jackson puns please.
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| Mind trick |
| 01.20.05 (6:43 am) [edit] |
Mind Trick
and another one
Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter
girl took my $2 while I was digging for my change. I then pulled 8
Cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the
nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.
I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two
Quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.
While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and
cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Please read more about the "history of teaching math":
Teaching Math In 1950
************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1960
************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math In 1970
************************ A logger sells a truckload of lumber for
$100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
Teaching Math In 1980
*********************** A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100.
His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math In 1990
************************ By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the
logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the
forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees?
(There are no wrong answers)
Teaching Math In 2015
************************
El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production
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| Jennifer Ellison Scan |
| 01.17.05 (3:29 am) [edit] |
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| Nicole Richie Scan |
| 01.17.05 (3:19 am) [edit] |
Nicole Richie doesn't look to shabby, nice mutt.
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| U Chav |
| 01.05.05 (1:29 am) [edit] |
You learn something every day, just today I learnt the meaning of 'Chav' a person who is sought of one level up from trailor park trash but only with more money. More Chav info at www.chavscum.com. In a test I scored a respectable 25% in the Chav test (lower the better), the question are as follows;
Has any friends of family members been pregnant under the age of 20?
Do you know the location of your local JD Sports store?
Do you own more trainers then normal shoes?
Have you ever bought / worn any of these labels? Hackett, Ben Sherman, Kappa, Nickelson?
Have you ever reffered to your home as your 'Gaff' 'Drum' 'Yard' ?
Do you think David Beckham is a leading male style icon?
Have you ever bough Super Kings?
Do any of your friends or family own a Staffordshire Bull Terrier?
Have you ever had a fight with cab driver?
Have you ever worn hoop earings?
Do you think Starbucks coffess are too expensive?
Have you ever thrown up in the street?
Have you ever vandalised a phone booth?
Have you ever reffered to your frends as your 'crew' or your' massive'
Do you know who Mike Skinner is?
Have you ever had a pay as you go gas or electricity meter?
Have you ever lived above the fourth floor?
Do you use external Christmas decorations?
Did you think the Fast and Furious deserved an Oscar Nomination?
Have you ever visited a friend or family member in jail?
Do you know a drug dealer?
Are tinted windows cool?
Have you ever bought 'economy' brand at Sainsbury's?
Do you listen to Drum n Bass?
Have you ever purchased jewlery at H.Samuel?
Have you ever been too, Falaraki, Magaluf or Benidorm?
Do you know anyone from Hastings or Croydon?
Do you enjoy theme parks and fun fairs?
Have you ever had a full English Breakfast abroad?
Are any of your friends of family receiving a benefit?
Have any of your friends or family been buried by Co-op Funeral Directors?
Did you know the capital of Australia is Sydney?
Have you ever been to Chelsea Football Club?
Do you own a gold chain, soverign ring or Burberry Cap?
Have you ever shopped at Bluewater?
Are you scared of your neighbours?
Would you consider buying any of these cars? Vauxhal Corsa, Ford Fiesta, Impreza, Fiar Punto?
Dio you read Max Power, The Daily Star, Heat or the Sun?
Do you ever wear a tracksuit when you have no intention of playing sport?
Have you ever been escorted from a shopping centre / pub?
Do you know know the term 'Croydon Face Lift'
Have you ever ordered Ham Egg and Chips at a restaurant?
Do you understand text abberviations (ie, l8r - later, wiv - with, da - the, b4 - before)
Have you ever seen / been involbed in a fight at a wedding?
Have you ever drank Lager before midday?
Would you consider a honeymoon in Teneriffe?
Today I also learnt that a 'Croydon Face Lift' is when a woman ties all her back in a tight bun in the back of her head so tightly that the 'face lift' effect happens.
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| Keira Knightley |
| 01.02.05 (5:21 am) [edit] |
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New Years resolution is to post more on this site, starting with regular posting of my favourite women on the planet, cant do idle chit chat as I'm off to visit my sister.
Keira Knightley
DOB - 26 March 1985
The daughter of actor Will Knightley and playwright Sharman Macdonald. After she requested an agent at the age of three, her parents allowed her to work on productions in her summer holidays. Her first role was at the age of 9, in Moira Armstrong's A Village Affair (1994). However, Knightley's first high profile role came in 1999, as Sabe, Decoy Queen to Natalie Portman's Queen Amidala in Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace (1999).
from - imdb.com
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