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| sexy babe plus joke |
| 07.31.04 (3:00 am) [edit] |
No seriously it's damn funny.
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer
when He hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by
a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, You Sign!
You sign!'
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is
standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts
to yell louder. 'You Sign! You sign!'
Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and
shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it,
the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.
He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, 'You sign!
You sign!'
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the
little Chinese man back, shouting: 'Look, go away! You've got the wrong
man! I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he
hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the
same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose,
shouting, 'You sign! You sign!' Behind him are TWO very large
trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he
picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him:
'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the
wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'
The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard,
and says:
'You not Nissan Main Dealer?'
------------------------
Sexy woman part 3
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| + / - |
| 07.28.04 (12:53 am) [edit] |
On the plus side
Barbara Walters of 60 Minutes (USA) did a story on gender roles in Kabul
several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily
walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently
and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to
walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why are you so
happy with a custom that you had previously wanted to eliminate?"
"Land mines," said the woman.
On the negative side
How many Iraqis did you kill today
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| Katie Price |
| 07.21.04 (6:01 am) [edit] |
Weekly scan is of Katie Price (a,k,a - Jordan) scanned by moi
My mock interview went well, good feedback a couple of pointers, I'm in a better mood, spent the journey to work listening to the latest album from Angie Stone which has two classic tracks called "U-haul" and "Come Home" which I played again and again and again.
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| Mathematical viewpoint |
| 07.20.04 (4:42 am) [edit] |
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work
and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there,
Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top.
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| Mock Interview |
| 07.20.04 (12:14 am) [edit] |
Mock Interview today well exactly in 45 minutes time, and although its not the real thing, I'm still nervous and three hours sleep hasn't helped at all.  I hear the person who will interview me is a proper difficult bar steward, so I'll go in with my hard hat prepared for tough times, the things you have to do to get promotion.
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| Stoopid |
| 07.15.04 (7:21 am) [edit] |
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? "
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
"Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.
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| Y MEN CHEAT |
| 07.15.04 (3:05 am) [edit] |
The age old question is answered by Eddie Mruphy, who I can no longer listen to his performances because everytime I hear him I picture Donkey from the Shrek/Shrek 2 films. So while you listen to this funny explanation of why men cheat, picture Donkey on stage and this will seem twice as funny. Also I bet Shaggy has listened to this clip before.
Y MEN CHEAT (Eddie Murphy)
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| Amy Winehouse |
| 07.14.04 (9:49 am) [edit] |
Now I love Amy Winehouse's music, a Jewish Londoner, with a voice like a cross between Sarah Vaughn and Dinah Washington. Heres a poorish live performance of the excellent single "Stronger than me" from Glastonbury 2004
Stronger than me
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| Sexy lady vol 3 |
| 07.09.04 (5:35 am) [edit] |
Another sexy b&w picture
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| Mind Power |
| 07.08.04 (6:59 am) [edit] |
Brain Power, the easier you find this to read the brighter you are.
The paomnnehil pweor of the hmuan mnid.
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be
a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh?
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| Sexy lady vol2 |
| 07.08.04 (2:23 am) [edit] |
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| Walt n Elmer |
| 07.07.04 (6:43 am) [edit] |
LETTER FROM A FARM KID NOW AT THE MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT IN SAN DIEGO.
Dear Ma and Pa:
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route" marches, which the Drill Instructor says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Drill Instructor is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up the same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Gail
========================= ===========
Just passed a female colleague of mine looking intently at this picture on her computer. I tell ya middle aged Irish catholic women arent as innocent as they believe.
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| Tough Love |
| 07.06.04 (6:53 am) [edit] |
Just played agony uncle to my next door neighbour, she comes knocking on my door howling about her son. 20 he is, jobless too, quit job due to bad knee so he cant climb the stairs, I was going to ask her how comes he still manages to play football but decided against it. Son says to her that he would rather be a heroin addict than be like her. I told her a severe course in tough love is needed, firstly she should stop paying his and his girlfriends rent of £350 per month, while she stays at friends. Yet mothers being mothers she ignores my advice.
Anyway in a bad mood today, as I was startled out of my sleep by the rabid yelps of passion from the aformentioned sons girlfriend. Could I get back to sleep? Hell no, so I watched the Kill Bill DVD instead, the bonus footage of that Japanese girl band called "5,6,8,9" or something similar playing "I'm blue" while strumming guitars in sixties style clothes and bare feet was very much to my liking. I'll have to add "barefooted japanese babe fetish" to my naked women mud wrestling fetish and my lesbo 69 in steamy shower fetish. Damn I'm a bloody freak.
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| Sexy Pic vol 1 |
| 07.06.04 (6:11 am) [edit] |
Handed in my application form for a job promotion today, I'm one of 16 applicatis for the post available. Which means I have little to no chance go getting the job. Never mind I'll cheer myself up by looking at this babe.
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| Asia Argento |
| 07.03.04 (3:09 am) [edit] |
Cribology loves Asia Argento, cant recall what shes famous for but she looks good.
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| As I mature.... |
| 07.01.04 (4:36 am) [edit] |
As I mature....
As I mature I've learned that you cannot make
someone love you. All you can do is
stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years
to build up trust, and it only takes
suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by
on charm for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better have a big willy
or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't
compare yourself to others - they are
more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that you can keep vomiting
long after you think you're finished.
I've learned that we are responsible
for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of
how hot and steamy a relationship is at
first, the passion fades, and there had better
be a lot of money to take its place!
I've learned that 99% of the time when
something isn't working in your house, one
of your kids did it
I've learned that the people you care most
about in life are taken from you too soon
and all the less important ones just never go away.
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